ADHD + Autism: A Surprisingly Likely Pair
- 33 minutes ago
- 4 min read
By Sheila Henson
The rise of information on ADHD means that more people are being diagnosed and finding answers. Suddenly their whole lives make sense in a way it never had before.
But for some, there is still a missing piece of the puzzle. Many notice that there are parts of their experience that seem out of the ordinary, but can’t be explained by ADHD.
Research shows that 50-70% of autistics also have ADHD*, and 20-50% of ADHDers are also autistic. Such a high co-occurrence makes it a sensible place to start for any ADHDer looking to deepen their self-understanding.
As well as having ADHD myself, I have been working with ADHD and autism for more than twenty years, as a special education teacher, a respite and crisis prevention worker, a mediator, and a coach. I have witnessed clear patterns in those with both ADHD and autism, that mirror the diagnostic criteria in the DSM. Here are some common experiences that I have seen from AuDHDers.
Sensory sensitivity.
It is common for ADHDers to be more sensory sensitive than the average population, however, those with autism tend to have more sensory issues that disrupt their lives, even if they aren’t entirely conscious of it. This often manifests in the person eating the same meals over and over again, wearing the same few outfits (sometimes regardless of weather), or feeling more comfortable in noise-canceling headphones or earplugs.
ADHD tends to be sensory-seeking, and AuDHDers may be drawn to loud, exciting environments at first, but then soon become drained and need days to recuperate after their autistic brain has been overstimulated. This balancing act between stimulation and recuperation is a common theme for many AuDHDers.
Disliking the unexpected.
Most ADHDers are known for their spontaneity and need for novel and interesting experiences. Autistics tend toward the opposite. For most autistics, there is a deep need for predictability and sameness. They often need time to process new experiences. This may look like wanting to watch people for a while before interacting with them, wanting to arrive places early to get the lay of the land, or needing a warning before having to transition from one task to another. Many of my AuDHD clients find that it relieves anxiety to write scripts before making phone calls or to explore a place on Google Earth before visiting in person.
ADHDers often change plans, maybe because they are running late due to time agnosia, or they are struggling to manage multiple engagements, which can be very dysregulating for an autistic brain. I hear many AuDHDers express that they dysregulate themselves by not being able to live up to their own standards of predictability.
Feeling like an alien.
Certainly ADHDers can struggle with relationships. We may forget to text people back, struggle to follow through on promises, or express ourselves with an offputting intensity. When we add autism to the mix, though, it can be a whole other level of struggle.
Autistics tend to communicate differently, and the majority use more literal language, and very little subtext. This can lead to a lot of misunderstandings, and leave allistics (non-autistic people) feeling that the autistic person is rude or argumentative, while the autistic can feel the allistic is manipulative or even an outright liar. I hear so many of my AuDHD clients ask, “Why don’t people just say what they mean?”
Autistic people also often have unique facial expressions or body movements that sometimes don’t match their emotions, which can lead allistic people to be uncomfortable around them, sometimes without fully understanding why. Autistic people can become isolated, even when trying their best to fit in and decipher all of the unspoken social rules. Many report feeling like their whole lives are like acting in a play, or that they feel like an alien trying to study humans.
Do these experiences sound familiar?
Every person is different and it’s important to make space for the variety of the human experience. Of course, not everyone with these traits is autistic. However, if this resonated with you, it might be worth looking into further.
You may want to seek out a diagnosis with a professional so that you can have access to accommodations and treatments, but there are other ways this understanding can help. For example, you might simply look to autistic communities for tools for a specific trait that you have, without identifying as autistic.
You also might find that adopting an autistic or AuDHD identity can help you find communities of people who understand you and help you feel more positively about how your brain works. It could also help your loved ones to better understand and support you.
I have one client who has an autistic child, and suspects that her husband is also autistic, though he is not interested in seeking a diagnosis. She told me that she isn’t trying to diagnose him, but when she starts to think of him as autistic, everything just makes sense, and she has an easier time understanding him and supporting him in the right ways. This reframing of expectations can be powerful in a relationship. It can also be powerful in your relationship with yourself.
Even if you look into autism and find that it isn’t your experience, only good things can come from more people educating themselves about autism. We can all benefit from learning all the different ways that autism can present, and being more understanding toward neurodivergence as a whole.
If you would like to further explore autism and AuDHD, The Meerkat Squad on Patreon is a podcast and online community exploring all facets of the AuDHD experience. No diagnosis is required, and it is a safe place for learning and self exploration.
I also offer classes about ADHD and autism, both for autistics and AuDHDers looking for support, and for allistic (non-autistic) people who would like to support the autistic people in their lives.
If you are looking for support with this you can book a consultation here https://www.sheilahenson.com/service-page/initial-consultation
*Hours C, Recasens C, Baleyte JM. ASD and ADHD Comorbidity: What Are We Talking About? Front Psychiatry. 2022 Feb 28;13:837424. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2022.837424. PMID: 35295773; PMCID: PMC8918663.
